How I Have Changed

While at Fall Orientation in September the Rebounds were given a long list of  "I statements". Each one was a way in which we might have changed over the past year. They said things like; "I have become fluent in a new language" or "I have become more independent" 

We were told to go through the list and check only those that made sense to us and then go through it one more time and pick out just a few that resonated true the most with us. After choosing the most important ones to us we were told to explain why. This is the essay of sorts that I ended up with. I was asked to read it at the Rotary meeting tomorrow morning, and then I remembered that I have sort of been neglecting my blog and I thought you all might want to read it, so here goes... keep in mind this was the hand written version I wrote at Orientation, no editing so there are bound to be a few mistakes :)

#8 I have a clearer notion of what I want to do with my life.

Before I left for exchange, sure, I love to travel and I knew I wanted to go to college one day and have a family later on, but truly I had no idea about the person I wanted to be or the things I wanted to do. After exchange I feel much more directed and this is entirely due to one weekend on exchange which opened my eyes to what really makes me happy, to what makes me feel successful. I was invited to help teach at an English camp and of course, following the "just say yes to all opportunities" exchange student mantra I readily accepted. Little did I know that this three day camp would have such a direct impact on helping me realize what I want to accomplish in my life.

 During camp we were split into groups, one or two teachers with eight students. All of the students were from hill tribes and the majority were orphans and lived year round at the school. In my group there was one girl, in particular who had a lot of difficulty even with the simplest parts of the lesson. At the end of the first day of camp I was worried that she hadn't enjoyed herself and that perhaps she was having a really difficult time. After dinner and a few group camp activities we were all heading off to bed. Just before I left, the girl from my group came and found me. She spoke to me in Thai, but the words she said were so much more important than the fact that she didn't say them to me in English. She said "I'm so glad you cam because now I don't have to be lonely anymore. I had a lot of fun today and I can't wait for tomorrow." I was speechless. Not only had she disproved my negativity about whether or not she had been enjoying the camp, she had said something else. She had said that I had made a difference in her life and that meant the world to me. I gave her a hug and told her that I too was glad I had come and glad I had met her and excited for tomorrow. I wished her sweet dreams and goodnight and she left. But then something else came to my attention; many other students, young and old, had gathered around. And suddenly I realized something, none of them had their parents to tuck them in, to wish them sweet dreams and I knew at that moment that if it took me my entire life I would hug each and every one of them goodnight. I would wish them sweet dreams, I would be there for them. When camp ended, I was distraught. How could this be over? But then I realized something, it's never over. There will always be someone who needs a hug, a smile, or someone to talk to and I will always be that person. I want to spend my life helping people in need and this camp was only the beginning. 

--

So that's that. Definitely need a shout out for Kathleen Madden if she's reading this! She's the one who organized and invited me to the English camp. Definitely life changing in all the right ways. Thanks!

Anyways, the snow has fallen here and I am loving it... for now! Twenty four hours in and I've already had a snowball fight, made a snowman, drank hot chocolate and been slightly sorta kinda in the ditch! Welcome Winter! I've missed you! 

hugs, 

kearn

This is my group at camp. All of these kids taught me something different and I love them and can't thank them enough for what they have shown me <3

One year ago today...

One year ago today, I left on the biggest adventure I've ever taken. 

Before I left Alaska, Thailand was a dream to me. While I was in Thailand, Alaska was the dream and now, once again, Thailand feels like a dream. I've been back in Alaska for almost one entire month now and not a single day goes by when I don't think of Thailand. I have a whole life there- a family, friends and so many memories. There were certainly hard days and there were nights when I couldn't sleep, but there are so many amazing relationships that I've  formed this past year, innumerable exciting opportunities for adventure every single day,  so many people, places, memories and feelings that I will never ever forget.  One year ago today, my adventure as an exchange student started. 

Honestly, it's hard for me to feel as though the adventure still continues. Now that I've returned to Alaska; to Palmer, to my family and friends, school and life here it certainly feels over.  I seem to be good at forgetting the fact that the adventure is never over. Last year, being an exchange student was my adventure. But truly, life in and of itself is always an adventure. So for now, I'm just reminding myself everyday, that life is the biggest adventure a person can ever take. This year isn't just another year, or just the year after my exchange or just my Senior year of high school. No, this year is my next adventure.

Home is where the heart is.

I feel as though the last few times I've written I haven't really shared many details about my adventures of late. The reason for that is not for lack of having adventures or things to write about but rather that there are so many millions of things I have been doing, learning, seeing and feeling that it would be impossible to write them all down without going on for pages and pages and hours and hours, so I shall save the majority of those for later... when I can share them with you on a rainy Alaskan summer day over a cup of steaming tea.

I imagine this may be the last time I post for a while and perhaps my very last post from Thailand (which makes me incredibly sad), though I do plan to post sporadically during my return year in Alaska. 

Out of the twenty-eight people in my District 3350 family almost ten have gone back to their home countries already. It's strange realizing the possibility that all twenty-eight of us might never be all together again. In around a month's time I too will be back in home country. Back in Alaska. Driving down those streets... seeing all those people... doing all those things I used to do. But I won't be there fully... I'm afraid I might never be there fully. I know already that when I leave Thailand I will not only leave friends and family, but also half of my heart.

If "home" is where the heart is, and I call two places across the world from each other "home"... does that make me heartbroken? 

Soon enough, I'll be leaving "home" to go "home". Saying goodbye to my District 3350 family to say hello to my District 5010 one. Saying goodbye to my friends, to say hello to my friends. Leaving my Thai family to go back to my biological one. I can't believe this year... this amazing, wonderful, magnificent year... this year that has had it's rough patches but always pulled through to the good times, this year that taught me so much about myself, this year that I failed more than once during, but stood back up again and succeeded.... this fantastic, incredible year that words cannot even describe, I cannot believe that this year is almost over. Truly, I could not be more grateful to everyone and everything that has contributed to this year in even the tiniest way. 

Thank you for telling me I'm beautiful. Thank you for keeping me well fed. Thank you for teaching me patience, for showing me real confusion and letting me conquer it, for empowering me to believe that if I am persistent I can overcome the difficulties the world throws at me. Thank you for hugging me when I cried. Thank you for laughing at my jokes even if they weren't funny. Thank you for being patient with me when I struggled with language.  Thank you for teaching me, for caring about me, for spending time with me. Thank you for listening, for helping. 

Thank you to the oversize beetles in the bathroom for making those times that I wake up in the middle of the night that much more exciting. Thank you to the geckos for giving me something to watch at boring dinner parties. Thank you to the heat for teaching me to appreciate the cold, to the rain for teaching me to dance. 

Thank you to the entire peppers I ate by choice for a competition, for being spicy... but not spicy enough to scare me into not do it a second time. Thank you to rice... for understanding that week where I broke up with you, it only made our relationship that much stronger. Thank you rice for being there when the other food was all scary and/or not delicious. And thank you rice for letting me bare your name... I wear it with pride.

Thank you Skype for letting me light the Hannukkah menorah all the way from Thailand. Thank you mail for letting me realize the true joy a letter or package can bring. 

Thank you distance, for making me realize what a wide world it is. Thank you to this year, for making me realize that no matter how small I am, I can affect the world if I try.

Thank you darkened windows for giving me something to stare out on those nights when I was lonely. 

Thank you sunshine for spilling in in the morning to wake me up in time to enjoy every single new and amazing day.

Thank you friends for coming to me for advice and for being there when I needed you. 

Thank you housemaid for always washing and ironing my clothes. Thank you to the Thai way of washing underwear by hand for teaching me to appreciate the American... throw it all in the washing machine together technique. 

Thank you to my host family, for loving me. Thank you Rotary for sponsoring me. Thank you everyone, for accepting me. Thank you to the exchange students of D3350, and especially to the Lopburi Kids, for being truly, one-hundred percent, the best friends I have ever had.

Thank you for every single thing on this list and all the other things that are not, but most of all, thank you for making it so ridiculously hard to say goodbye. 

Seriously, thank you.

ข้าวหอม
Kearney

Sand

The past two months have literally flown by. I feel as though every time I look at the calendar a tiny grain of sand settles in the bottom of my stomach. Realizing the small amount of time I have left as an inbound exchange student scares me.
Yesterday I dropped one of my closest friends off at the airport. Jon has become an older brother to me this year and there is no doubt that it was difficult to say goodbye. Yet, it wasn’t until after he stepped off the top of the escalator, backpack on, passport in hand, turned away and disappeared out of sight that it all began to hit me.
 Alex turns to me, “Did Jon just leave?” she asks in voice that almost pleads me to tell her it’s not true.
I don’t even have the energy to nod, the grains of sand in my stomach have turned into one solid rock in the pit of my stomach. We wrap into a tight hug as the tears rain down from my face. He is the first of my close friends to leave and the realization that slowly my family of exchange students is separating hits me like a frying pan to the forehead. Soon enough we will all be back in our home countries, far apart from one another, far away from Thailand. Soon enough we will all go back to those old lives that we lived before we knew each other. The same houses, the same towns… but it will never be truly the same. Nothing will ever be truly the same.

All I can say is thank you. Thank you to every single exchange student in District 3350 for being a friend to me. You have all influenced me in ways that maybe even you do not know. I truly value every single second of time that I spend with you. Though our time as inbounds in Thailand may be nearing a close, lets not call this goodbye, let’s call it see you later… because one day, I’ll

visit you. In Europe, in Asia, North and South America. See you in Australia too. ♫

Lopburi Kids <3
All the exchange students who lived in Lopburi this year (and Lydia who is drawn on the peice of paper because she couldn't be there)

I love you guys <3

I love you big brother!

empty escalator... 

 

All of us at our very first orientation, we've come so far. I love you guys <3

Time is flying.

Well, last time I posted was about a month ago... time is really flying now.

I'm pacing. Back and forth, back and forth. It's time now. They've landed. Where are they?! I see them! The bright raspberry red of my mom's shirt stands out in my mind, I run towards them. Tears spring into my eyes as I find myself in my mother's warm embrace.

It was amazing to see my parents. We had a wonderful time swimming and bathing elephants, snorkeling, seeing the magnificent Angkor Wat in Cambodia and just spending time together. I especially loved showing them around my hometown and having them meet my host families.

Well, I'm sorry I won't write much more now. Like I said, time is flying and I just want to soak up every second that I have left in Thailand because before I know it I will be heading back home.

Kearn

They made it!

Sitting on the cold, greyish white airport floor, staring up at the arrivals board as it flips to English, to Thai, then back to English again. It seems unreal... the reason I'm here. Yet... I check the time, one minute until landing. A wide grin spreads across my face. I glance back up at the arrivals board.

LANDED.

Welcome to Thailand, Mom and Dad!

The Best Day of my Life

North Trip!

I just got back from my trip to the North with all the other exchange students in my district (Space Peopls what we call ourselves) and all the Thai outbound students (one of whom is going to Alaska next year—shout out to Mew!). We saw tons of historical sights, went to the old capital of Thailand—Sukothai, visited the Golden Triangle, the famous White Temple (Wat Rungkun), saw two beautiful pagodas that were built in the mountains for the King and Queen, walked through many beautiful gardens, went to a few museums, a hot spring, a gorgeous and enormous waterfall, a painted fan village and a ceramics factory. All of those wonderful things and I still haven’t even listed my favorite three!

So here goes…

First, on April 11^th after visiting the gorgeous White Temple, sticking our feet and hard boiling eggs in the scorching water of the Mae Kajarn Hot Spring  we headed to the province of Chiang Mai where we visited the  Chiang Mai Zoo. Zoos are just awesome to begin with, and even more so when you are with your best friends and you get to see your favorite animal in the whole wide world! Those of you who know me well enough will know what that is…

Secondly, we all got to celebrate the Thai holiday Songkran on April 13th! Though Songkran used to be more of a family holiday in which people would go and visit grandparents and elders and be sprinkled in holy water, over time it has evolved and changed into modern day Songkran which is basically just three days (this year it was April 13-16) where everyone in Thailand stops, drops everything their doing, closes up shop and heads out into the street for a country-wide water and squirt gun fight! Songkran was simply amazing! Everyone in the whole country out to have a water fight on one of the hottest days of the year… perfect.

Thirdly, April 12^th may just have been the best day of my life up to this point. We started the day with watching the adorable elephants at Maetang Elephant Park play soccer, dance and paint beautiful pictures with their trunks! During the show an elephant presented my friend Turi with a basket of flowers! While standing around waiting for the show to begin, I got kissed by an elephant… well… more like it stuck its trunk on my face and got me all slobbery… that doesn’t happen everyday! After the show we took a ride in a cart pulled by two oxen, some early birds had already started playing Songkran, but luckily we didn’t get splashed… yet, we road the oxen to another area where we transferred from the low to the ground oxen carts to the high back of an elephant. I rode the elephant with my friend Lea, from Germany. As we walked through the forest bumping and jolting from side to side neither of us could stop smiling. We finally came to a river… which our elephant walked straight into and started to spray us a bit with water from it’s trunk. Let Songkran begin! Sitting on an elephant walking in a river through the mountains and forests of Northern Thailand was one of the most amazing and best things I have ever done in my entire life. After we returned to the elephant enclosure we got off, thanked our Mahout (elephant trainer) and elephant and we were off once again, this time we had a bamboo raft as our mode of transportation. Seven other exchange students from USA, France and Germany--Sophie, Willis, Jon, Turi, Alex, Tom, Maieul-- and I, our awesome Rotex Pick, one of our tour guides and two Thai boat men all floated together. As we started Pick asked “So… do you guys want to play Songkran?” “YES!” we all agreed. And so we splashed and screamed and sang our way down the river. The raft man let me steer the back while my friend Tom from France steered the front, we made a good team but unfortunately we were too slow so we let the raft man steer instead. By the time we got back, wet from splashing each other and being splashed by random Thai children and families swimming in the river we were all more than content. We headed to Bor Sang Umbrella village where we watched women hand paint on umbrellas, fans, papers and anything else you can imagine. My friend Saeko, from Japan, and I both got things painted on our cameras, Jonas from Germany got his wallet painted on and Helen and Ariel from Canada and Taiwan got their clothing painted on.  It was a fantastic and tiring day and we were all glad to be back at the hotel and take a shower… but no rest here because that evening we were off to a traditional Thai dance show where we sat on the floor and ate dinner while listening to live Thai music and watching the beautiful dances from all corners of Thailand. The day ended with staying up into the early hours of the morning talking with friends, a perfect way to end a perfect day.

The last night of the trip we sung karaoke, talked and danced. For some reason I was feeling kind of saddened by it all and so, when four of the Outbound girls came out with a cake and a big poster saying “We Love Inbounds!” with a silly face that matched each inbound’s personality drawn on it and then sang a song for us all, I’m sure I was the first one crying… but I wasn’t the only one. Luckily someone started a cake in the face fight and that wiped away all of our tears. After jumping in the pool the clean off we all stayed up late talking through the very last night of the trip.

We are meant to have a goodbye party sometime in mid June, but unfortunately some Inbounds probably will have left already… I didn’t realize at the time that that may have been the last time we are all together… ever.

I cannot thank Rotary enough for having these amazing trips for us and for giving me the opportunity to have this amazing year. I cannot believe how much my life has changed in the past 250 days. I will never, ever forget the memories of the Rotary trips and the friendships I have made with all the Space People of D3350 will definitely last forever.

I love Thailand! I love my exchange student family! I love life!

Here is the link to the photos of the North Trip ---> Adventures in the North

Hope you are all well.

Kearn