English? Arai na?

Uhm... uhm... uhhh...

My mind is racing. My teacher is standing across the table from me; she's stopped looking at the pink flowers she was arranging and is now staring straight at me, watching as I struggle to remember English. She has asked what we call a flower that has not yet bloomed. She has one in her hand and is showing it to me... of course I understand what she is asking but what... what is the answer? I close my eyes and open them again, tap my fingers hopelessly on the desk, turn to the other girl in the room--she is Italian--"Don't look at me!" she says, I close my eyes again, think-think-think, this is taking altogether too long... OH! It comes to me, "bud". English, my mother tongue, ฉันจำไม่ได (Chan jam mai dai.) I can't remember it.

This is certainly not the first instance in which I've been unable to remember English words, and this word-- "bud"-- is perhaps a bit more obscure than a few of the other's words such as; biscuits and gravy, endangered, wardrobe, monk and perhaps the worst of all... bus, which I have been known to misplace somewhere in the rusty English dictionary in the back of my mind...

I often find myself repeating English sentences in my mind and wondering if they are grammatically correct. ("I'm going to go take a shower." still gets me... you are not taking the shower anywhere! It stays where it is! What in the world, English! Why?)  I often think in Thai and translate into English when I'm writing. I type, delete and retype words. I talk to myself in Thai. 

This forgetting of my mother language; it's strange, obnoxious at times and also in it's own way, it's wonderful. Of course, it's all part of the adventure and I hope you'll continue to follow along with me despite having to bear with me as my English slowly gets worse and worse... I'm apologizing now for any spelling or grammar mistakes I've made previously and for all of those which I will undoubtably be providing you to laugh about in the future. Wish me luck with my language skills -- both Thai and English!

So... I'm out, off to sleep, but I'm going to leave you with this little man... I think he feels kind of like I do when I try to remember English. (<--- Oh dear, overuse of commas? Run on sentence maybe? I don't know. English language strikes again... :o)

Pasa angrit? Arai na?  English? What? 

Kearn